Thursday, May 3, 2012

Jonah Hex

Directed by Jimmy Hayward, Jonah Hex is a film based on the DC comic book character of the same name. The film was released in 2010 and stars Josh Brolin, John Malkovich, Michael Fassbender and Megan Fox. Do not let this great cast (except Megan Fox) fool you; it is one of the worst movies you will ever see. It was one of the biggest box office bombs of 2010 and it is no surprise why. Most comic book movies usually have some entertaining aspects to them but this one barely has any.

Jonah Hex is a former Confederate soldier of the American Civil War. His family killed, he's critically wounded after he refusing his general's order to burn down a hospital. Native Americans save his life with mystical powers, but since he was half-dead, he gains the power to speak to the dead. Jonah Hex, now searching for the general who murdered his family, meets a prostitute, played by Megan Fox. Jonah must not only kill his former general, but also stop him from using a “super weapon” that he plans on using for terrorist acts against America. They never even explain what that super weapon is! It is just giant exploding balls. Yep, the super weapon is just a bunch of exploding balls. The plot jumps around so much that it is hard to follow what really is going on. 

This movie is so crappy that it is only a little over an hour long. It seems like a R rated movie that was edited to PG-13. I’m going to assume that is why it is only a little over an hour long because it was edited so heavily. It might have been a little more entertaining if it wasn’t so edited down. It makes the plot harder to follow because so much is going on in such a short period of time.

Even great actors like Josh Brolin and John Malkovich could not make this movie watchable. I wonder if these guys just wanted a paycheck instead of actually reading the script before taking the roles. That has to be the reason because no way they could of read that script and actually thought this movie would be good. Megan Fox reminds you how bad her acting really is. She absolutely terrible and is basically just eye candy in the film.

One of the only positive things about this film is the musical score. The heavy metal band Mastodon did the scoring for it. The heavy metal score really made some of the scenes bearable. It was cool seeing the Civil War era with heavy metal music playing at the same time. They seemed to fit well together in a weird way. Unfortunately, this still doesn’t make the film watchable.

This movie is such a waste of time, even if it is only 81 minutes long. When I went to go see it in 2010 at the theater, so many people walked out and I almost did as well. It is not even bad in a “good” way, where you can actually enjoy how bad it is. Save yourself a headache and watch paint dry instead. That is more entertaining than this crappy film.

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