Monday, November 28, 2011

Nothing But Trouble


Nothing But Trouble is easily the worst movie I have ever seen. This is a terrible shame, too, because if you consider the cast of characters you would think it would be a blockbuster hit. Celebrities such as Chevy Chase, Demi Moore, John Candy, and Dan Akroyd all help in creating this God-awful film.

Considered to be an American horror comedy, Nothing But Trouble is certainly a horrible American comedy. Directed, produced, and co-written by Dan Akroyd, the plot follows film protagonist, Chris Thorne (Chevy Chase), as he escorts Diane Lightson, played by Demi Moore, to Atlantic City, New Jersey. At this point of the film there is really no character development of either character other than the fact that they met at a soiree the night before. However, having much faith in Chevy Chase’s unique ability to elicit mass amounts of laughter, I continue to watch.

Upon driving to Atlantic City, Thorne decides to turn off the New Jersey Turnpike, and ends up in the town of Valkenvania. Shortly thereafter, he blows through a stop sign, and tries to outrun the police officer trying to stop him for the offense. Played by John Candy, police officer, Dennis Valkenheiser, finally apprehends the two after a series of man-made booby traps delays the car from advancing. Valkenheiser, a creepy, dutiful police officer, proceeds to arrest Thorne and Lightson for the violation, and brings them to appear in front of Judge Reeve Alvin Valkenheiser, played by Dan Akroyd.

At this point of the movie it is clear that the script is striving to create humor, but is failing miserably. As I watch, I am utterly disgusted and appalled at how horrible the acting is as well as how boring the movie is; I haven’t laughed once. 

Akroyd’s character is over a hundred years old, and is extremely odd and annoying. The film crew makes him look old and decrepit by covering him in an excessive amount of make-up such that he is hideously unbearable to look at. He proceeds to confiscate both Thorne and Lightson’s identification cards, and holds them without bail in his courthouse, which also dubs as a weird funhouse. 

Thorne and Lightson decide to make an escape, and run into several obstacles along the way. At one point of the film Thorne and Lightson split up, and Lightson finds herself in the presence of two trolls named Bobo and Lil’ Debbull. At this point I am ready to tear my eyeballs out of my head as my patience wears thin.
I continue to watch for another fifteen minutes until I finally decide to turn it off just around the point Digital Underground starts rapping in the courthouse. I don’t even understand why this is happening nor do I care. I turn the television off, and refuse to finish this terrible, horrific movie. 

I wish I could inform you how this movie ends, but, trust me, it is more important that I warn you to never watch this film--ever! A horrible plot, horrific attempts at humor, and pointless subplots make this movie absolutely unbearable. 

After its release in 1991 it was nominated for several Razzie Awards--awards that recognize box office bombs--including Worst Picture, Worst Actress (Demi Moore), Worst Director, and Worst Screenplay. It earned approximately $8 million at the box office, and, deservedly so, has been met with much negativity.

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