Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Geese Have a Ghoulish Time on Halloween

A seventy-six year old senile, retired captain from Cambridge was killed Saturday afternoon, Halloween day, when the old rubber lifeboat he was riding in was attacked by a flock of angry geese. The old man was seen floating in his bright orange boat with a bag of what appeared to be stale bread around four o’clock when the geese attacked.

He reportedly did not have a chance to reach for his plastic oars to beat away the geese. Incessant hocking commenced. The long, muscular necks snapped at the old man again and again. The geese proceeded to peck him to death because, passersby speculated, he did not bring enough bread with him. They pecked his eyes and pecked his arthritic hands over and over until he finally collapsed.

Passersby were seen yelling at the geese to stop, but the geese ignored them and kept on pecking.

The poor old man never had a chance. Due to the clawing at his boat he sank into the dirty river; this is truly a case of the captain going down with his ship.

His last words were, “But I feed you fucking geese all of the time.”

The family of the old man will have him cremated and tossed into the river where his geese friends will feed on the ashes.

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