From 12:07 to 12:10pm yesterday, an elderly man wandered into the downtown Burger King and held up the line for what survivors say “felt like forever.”
“Who would have ever thought something like this would have happened,” said Frank Billups, one of the victims. “You wake up in the mourning and you say goodbye to your wife and kids. You never think about how lucky you are until one day, a minor inconvenience sets you back 5-10 minutes.”
No one was physically injured, but many who endured this certainly felt the sting of being annoyed. “I’m one of the lucky ones,” said Ann Powers, who had wasted a whole break waiting inline. “I’m only slightly annoyed, I consider it a blessing. I’m sure other people feel abraded, agitated or irked. I’m lucky that’s not me.”
The old man reportedly stood at the front of the line for several minutes asking for things that had absolutely nothing to do with the menu.
“He wanted to know when the next train was arriving,” said Ezekiel Kendrick, Burger King Cashier. “I explained to him that we sell food. Then he ordered a Zagnut Bar and a ripe tomato pickle.” Kendrick went on to explain how he hopes this whole situation causes the restaurant to put aside a day to help train new employees to better handle the elderly.
“I tried to reason with him,” explained Glenn Armstrong, Burger King Manager. “But he just started mumbling some nonsense about how we can make a mechanical sock darner that can darn your socks in half the time, but we can’t stock the shelves with bottles of ‘Dr. Lawton’s Brain Fever Ulcerating Tonic’.”
Luckily the old man’s son was called in to deal with the situation. “Yeah, I just did what I always do in these situations,” said the man’s son. “I sat him down in a comfortable chair, turned it to face the window and then I crept away slowly. He fell asleep mumbling something about the ‘no good’ Scottish.”