Friday, April 9, 2010

Blogger’s Friends Refuse to Acknowledge Awkwardly Personal Posts

By Tommy Toolateforaprilfirst

Despite repeated attempts by area blogger Sarah Dixon to talk about recent blog posts detailing her breakup with her boyfriend, Jared, friends have remained generally creeped out and unresponsive.

Dixon’s blog, called LoveGirlTalks, has recently been lauded as a source of near-constant melodrama within her closest group of friends.

“It wouldn’t be as weird if she didn’t constantly go into such detail on those sappy phone convos,” said Aiden O’Malley, a friend of Dixon’s since middle school. “It’s weird enough that she would post those things on the Internet, and then expect to talk about them with us, but when she adds those winking emoticons, she just ups the creep factor so much.”

“I mean, I don’t care what she does with her personal life,” said Lauren Schneider, another good friend of Dixon’s from college. “But it’s tough to avoid saying things about what she says on her blog when she directly asks you what you think. I never should have told her I read it.”

“Oh, Jesus, she’s calling,” Schneider added, looking at her phone. “She’s probably going to want to talk about that creepy poem she posted earlier today.”

Schneider was referring to “Wet Hot Despair,” an epic poem that summarizes one of Dixon's post-breakup sexcapades with Jarod. Reportedly, the ex-couple maintains a physical relationship. This was confirmed on Dixon's most recent blog post.

"Your hootspa makes up for your [edited] / Still I will admit that you're thick / Since I use you to come / I just [edited] you for fun / And also because you're so quick," wrote Dixon.

“Oh God, you should have been at that party when she brought up her first post about her breakup with Jared,” said Greg Martin, lifelong friend of Dixon. “I think a direct quote was something like ‘You’ll see I’m far more woman than you’d ever hope for.’ Someone needs to tell her that people don’t ever talk like that,” he added, noting that that person would be him, “when hell freezes over.”

Despite finding the contents of the blog repulsive, Dixon’s friends cannot stop talking about it.

“I’m way closer to Martin than I’ve been in years,” said O’Malley. “There’s just so much to talk about because of Sarah’s terrifying blog.”

“We're all followers. We usually have to talk pretty quickly after that to try to figure out how we’ll deal with it if Sarah calls,” Martin added.

Despite the fact that every single one of her friends tend to avoid speaking at length about her blog posts, Dixon remains unaware that they feel so disgusted when they read her writing.

“My friends have been so supportive with my writing,” said Dixon when asked about her blog. “Greg told me he was crying at my most recent post. To know I can move people like that is just so amazing to me as a writer.”

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