Sunday, March 28, 2010

Fact: Lady Gaga More Influential Than Jesus & Mr. T Combined

“She’s like a modern day Beyonce but you know….. Better and modern,” said Ashley P. Napalm. I continued to probe her on the subject of Lady Gaga. I asked how she personally has been affected, as if I couldn’t tell by the trash bag around her hips and the tissue box shoes. Napalm continued, “Gaga is a god. She’s like if Jesus did crack and wore fierce robes.”

Self proclaimed diva, Lenny J. Buntcake, is claiming to be the biggest Gaga fan this side of the Mississippi.

I asked him how Gaga has affected him, “Ohhh girl you don’t even know…. You see this shawl? It’s a sedated badger.”

“Is that safe?” I asked.

“Who cares? It’s a statement. I’m saying fur doesn’t have to be murder.”

After I took two steps back he continued, “She’s the biggest thing in fashion since Britney’s vagina!”

Is Lady Gaga a communist-robot-spy sent from China to corrupt our youth into a life in the sex slave industry? Probably, but who cares she’s fabulous! We are all witnesses to the Gaga-lution (don’t even think about using that, I’ve already filed for a patent.) Prepare yourselves by buying anything diamond encrusted. You can choose to fight for them or against them; either way I hope you look good in glitter.

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