Tuesday, December 15, 2009

I Love You, I Love You Not

How can one little word have so much power? This word can captivate a heart, liberate a soul yet it can restrain emotions in shackles and devour moral values. This word is Love. However one views love, whether positively or negatively, we all have the natural desire to love and be loved in one form or another. Yet it seems as though the essence of loving and being loved has become more difficult. It is necessary to understand that love doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time. Each day, each date, each moment is like a brick that is applied in making the castle of love.

Nevertheless, this is not about love per se. It is in fact about young men and women interacting with each other. No matter who we are or where we come from, as long as we’re heterosexual, we are all prone to the attraction of the opposite sex. It is how we react to these attractions and what we expect from each other that determine not only our relationship status but how we view ourselves and those around us. So what am I really trying to get at? Let’s cut to the chase here. As a young woman who knows what short-term and long-term relationships are like and who’s had her share of bad dates, I reserve the right to publicly express my full opinion on how I view the subject of relationship dating --not only dating but how men should act towards women.

Relationship dating is like every other great success in life; it comes with hits and misses. Sometime more misses then hits. Am I the only one that feels like men may have given up on sweeping us off our feet? The fact that there are 86 single men to every 100 single women doesn’t help. However this isn’t about blaming millions of men. In a world where women are portrayed as sex objects men have forgotten how to treat women. It’s up to us to remind them. It’s necessary to understand that women have different needs than men and usually these needs cater to our emotions. Some men are just oblivious.

Not all women are the same. It’s true --today you can find women of all sorts. Some women like to date several at a time, others are not into commitment, and some don’t mind being treated like a piece of meat. The reason why is beyond me. Therefore these words of advice do not apply to every girl in the neighborhood. It’s important to know what kind of girl you’re investing your time in. So guys listen up.

Maybe I’m old fashioned but I think politeness is sexy. Since when did chivalry die? Pulling out a girl’s chair or holding the car door open for her isn’t lame and believe me guys, girls like that. I’m not talking about serving your girl hand and foot, although that would be nice, but girls are more likely to date men who treat them with kindness and respect than someone who is physically attractive yet a complete jerk. This isn’t rocket science. Kindness and respect are very big with women; we respond it to.

Guys, what is so wrong about calling a girl the day after the first date? What is up with these silly 3-day-wait rules? Seriously if you want to play games go to an arcade. I’m not talking about an hour long conversation, but even a text message would be nice. Girls like to feel they haven’t been forgotten.

The word “security” often has the tendency to scare men. But it’s true women do look for someone who is able to offer physical, emotional, spiritual and yes, financial security. Money doesn’t buy love and it definitely isn’t everything, but men please don’t treat your girl like she’s your sugar mama and girls you shouldn’t be dating a man if he doesn’t have a j-o-b in the first place. Not only that but women like to know that their men are willing to do little things for them like putting gas in their car or taking out the trash. Little things count. Transparency is another aspect of security that is highly important. Covering up your tracks may work for a while but we’ll eventually crack the code. Sharing you with someone else is definitely out of the question. Honesty and fidelity is a must.

Men, don’t be afraid to pursue us. Women have the tendency to withdraw from a relationship once they feel they are being neglected. Is it really so hard to be attentive? Think of taking us out as an investment. A couple of hours or a day really makes a difference because girls love to be wooed. One of the most important strategies in wooing a girl is listening. This might be divine revelation for some, but there is a difference between hearing and listening. Girls like to be listened to. There’s no point in pretending to listen to us or pretending to pass off what we said as trivial. By taking time to listen, comprehend and partake in the conversation you’ll be sure to hold her attention for longer.

Last but definitely not least let her know that you love her. As mentioned love is a very powerful word. It’s not a word you use on the first date or the second for that matter. Although it sounds cheesy every day, every date, every moment is in fact like a brick that is gradually building the love within that relationship. Love isn’t a word that can be thrown around; there has to be meaning and sincere emotion behind it. Cherish and honor it.

Although it is possible to find love on the first try, it doesn’t always happen. However we can’t let that hold us back from finding the happiness we deserve.

Men, be sure to put this into practice. Girls, don’t settle for less!

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