Thursday, October 15, 2009

Where to Now?

Ask me a question and I will tell you no lies
By Maria Marcelino

Q: I have been in a long-distance relationship for 1.5 years. We have been talking about marriage but he would like me to leave my family, my job, my home and my security to be with him. His argument is that he has a bigger home, he makes a better living, and says he just needs another five years and then we can move wherever I would like. Should I make the move even though we are not engaged, have no wedding date set and he bought a bigger house without my name on the deed or mortgage?

A: There is plenty of reason for concern. Statistics say that 90% of long distance relationships do not work out. That is not to say that you cannot be in that 10%. Long distance relationships are tough not only emotionally but physically also. Although it sounds like he has reason to stay where he is, it sounds like you do too. I would be concerned about buying the house without your assistance assuming he knows your insecurities with leaving all that you know. Dr. Gregory Guldner, the Director of the Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships, is a leading authority on long distance relationships. I would recommend you take the following questionnaire: http://www.longdistancerelationships.net/The_Separation_Inventory_Brochure_15_page_version.pdf.This will allow you the space and privacy to make your own decisions based on your personal relationship. Check back in with me on your results. I would like to do a comparison.

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